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Day nineteen.

Disrespecting your parents.

Been there, done that, regretted most of it.

If my mother had known of my disability when I was a child I have a feeling we could have avoided a lot of the struggles. But I also am thankful for going under the radar for so long, because I got to avoid the horror that is ABA and other ‘therapies’ currently used on autistic kids that exploit them and force them into mindless parrots of ‘acceptable’ human behavior.

I regret hurting their feelings at times, but mostly I’ve moved on. It’s important not to dwell on things. I love my parents despite their faults. I just wish it was more socially acceptable not to be unconditionally in total agreement.

This topic was difficult to write about. I’ll stop before it gets too detailed.

~Sam

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Day eighteen.

Your beliefs.

Now…I’m guessing this isn’t religious, because see earlier.

I don’t really know, then.

I guess I believe that humanity is at its core a thing that has hope for the future, and is capable of doing great things.

I believe that you can’t look at someone superficially and expect to observe what’s going on in their brain or their heart.

I believe that love is hard and annoying and brutal and difficult and altogether trying but that it is worth every second of hardship if you take as much happiness from 15 seconds of good as you do from 15 minutes of bad.

I believe that I’ve already found what I was just talking about, and that I lost it, and that it was because of me, and that I will not find it or experience it again.

I believe that science is something that should have as much of a following as religion but is instead ignored and relegated to the ‘geeks’ because society wants to appear mightier than those who actually hold the knowledge of our past and the keys to our future.

I believe that having children is a privilege, and not a right, and that there are many people who should have been prevented from doing so long ago.

I believe that one day, I will be able to tell an employer about my autism and from then on be allowed to do the non-social, repetitive tasks that would make me the happiest employee in the company with no questions and no sneers.

Finally, I believe that humans are not unique in their ability to survive, but in their ability to feel and hurt and live. And I believe that I am living that experience and trying to make the most of it as we speak.

~Sam

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Day seventeen.

Your highs and lows this past year.

January–being home, renewing my local scholarship, going to Disney, doing an Intersession course

February–Valentine’s Day (?)

March–SPRING BREAK, MegaCon

April–Finals prep, I don’t even know

May–Finals, moving out, going to Disney and SeaWorld, leaving the boyfriend, coming home, moving out, moving in

June–Getting job, making money, moving out, moving in, learning to love dogs, learning how to cook and clean

July–MURICA, rain everywhere, tourist season, working out, losing weight, dogs learning to love me, cutting thumb in half, healing, almost getting fired

August–dreaming of the boyfriend coming, counting down the seconds, literally blogging every second of my thoughts on paper, going to Boston, THE BOYFRIEND IS HERE, showing the boyfriend Maine, driving the boyfriend to New Hampshire, showing the boyfriend my hometown, sleeping, cuddling, kissing, DISNEY AGAIN, moving in, sleeping over, starting classes, seeing friends again

September-Adjusting to Florida weather, kicking ass in classes, starting work, getting internship, thinking about the future, losing roommate

October–Celebrating my birthday, getting dumped, crying, finding friends, getting to Universal (finally), learning to live alone, more Disney, more classes, more work, more life

Notice how none of these are marked as ‘highs’ or ‘lows’. It’s all about perspective.

~Sam

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Day sixteen.

Your views on mainstream music.

Well, it’s fucking stupid, that’s what it is.

Sure, some of it is catchy. But it’s literally engineered to be that way. Instead of finding happiness in artistic merit we’ve been psychoanalyzed by labcoats working for business suits programming miniskirts and backwards ball caps for our ‘entertainment’. Frankly, I’m sick of seeing people who can’t even read sheet music make more money than people with PhDs in any subject. That goes for any sort of ‘mainstream’ entertainment. Film actors, sports stars…okay, those categories of people involve learning and reproducing a craft, so there’s that. In the age of AutoTune and the apologist coddling of some facets of the Internet, anyone can make ‘music’ and possibly go big with it. But nobody who actually puts work into learning the craft and making GOOD music is in the mainstream. And that’s really, really depressing.

Relevant video:

~Sam

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Day fifteen.

Your favourite Tumblrs.

I don’t have a lot, and many of the ones I frequent are NSFW so I won’t share them here. However…


helpmemybrotherisademon.tumblr.com

crepecreeper.tumblr.com

ourstarsandourselves.tumblr.com

danisnotonfire.tumblr.com

edwardspoonhands.tumblr.com

fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com

menstrualcyclone.tumblr.com

fuckyeahbandbuffalo.tumblr.com

fuckyeahhanandleia.tumblr.com

effyeahnerdfighters.tumblr.com


“I don’t have a lot”…*snort*

~Sam

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Day fourteen.

Your earliest memory.

I was standing at the kitchen counter, clipping coupons with my mother. For some reason I also associate her instructing me to tell someone my age with this moment, and my answer was ‘three’. I’ll never be sure if this actually happened or not, so there’s that.

Other than these short, fleeting moments which may or may not have ever happened in real life, I have no recollection of most of my childhood or adolescence. Awesomesauce.

~Sam

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Day thirteen.

Somewhere you’d like to move to or visit.

I’d love to move to Silicon Valley and work for Apple or Google. They treat their people pretty darned well over there.

I’d like to visit France, Japan, Ireland…and also Växjö, Sweden, for reasons I will not publicly disclose.

Maybe I’ll visit Amsterdam when I have money, so I have a decent chance of sleeping with a woman. HA!

…Oh, and I’d like to get up to Canada sometime. Ironic how when I was closer, I never went.

~Sam

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